Week Three of Football – The ‘Boys are Back!

Posted by admin on September 27, 2010 in Entertainment/Sports |

Football A**HOLES of the Week:

[The Vikings] beat the Lions. Surely I don’t need to say more here. … I think [the Lions] actually played a mannequin at quarterback!

The New York Giants

I hate the GIANTS! I do! And, I hate Eli Manning! Why? The Giants – that’s obvious! They are one of the Cowboys’ biggest rivals. Eli – he always looks like he’s a few breaths from a full-throated baby cry! He looks like he wants to kill himself every time he steps onto the field. I also hate him for turning the draft on its ear when he refused to play after being drafted by San Diego.

But, the main reason I hate him is that he is obviously talented yet after seven years in the league he continues to make DUMBASS play after DUMBASS play! His intercepted pass looked like something out of Favre’s playbook and cost the Giants a touchdown. But, this week he was not alone! Player after player on that team committed one horrid mistake after the other. They ended this week’s game with FIVE PERSONAL FOULS, one of them for throwing a punch! Come on! Really?! This isn’t the f*cking UFC! The rumors about firing Coughlin are swirling again because the Giants are out of control and look awful!

The Washington Redskins’ Albert Haynesworth

I am sick to death of this big bear-sized baby complaining about changing his position. This might actually be the first time someone makes this list for NOT playing football or doing ANYTHING noteworthy (good or bad) on the field. This A**HOLE complained to a local paper that he is not a slave and that “Just because somebody pay [sic] you money don’t [sic] mean they’ll make you do whatever they want or whatever. I mean, does that mean everything is for sale?”

First off, why don’t you spend some of your down time learning subject-verb agreement since you won’t spend it learning your new position, DUMBASS?! Second, paying a FOOTBALLL PLAYER to PLAY FOOTBALL is not the Redskins asking your DUMBASS to “do whatever they want or whatever.” By your wonderfully sound logic, Albert, when a partner asks me to draft a contract, I should tell her, “Kiss my A**! How dare you expect me to do exactly what you pay me to do?! The nerve of these people!”

The Minnesota Vikings

Let’s not get too quick to claim the ship in Minnesota has been righted just because they won and Adrian Peterson had over 150 yards and two touchdowns. They beat the Lions. Surely I don’t need to say more here. It was the Lions. I think they actually played a mannequin at quarterback! If Minnesota could not defeat the Lions, the entire organization should’ve been booted out of the NFL right into the UFL, with Brett Favre driving the bus!

Football SWEET ASSES of the Week:

He certainly will never win a pet owner of the year award but … Vick put on a friggin’ clinic against the Jaguars!

The Dallas Cowboys

Who knew they’d make an appearance here? Given how they looked the last two weeks, I thought they were competing with the Lions and 49ers for the number 1 draft pick next year. But, this week, I have to give the Cowboys and Roy Williams some love. After spending most of last season complaining about how Tony Romo threw balls that were too difficult for him to catch, Williams finally shut up and did what he is paid to do! He stretched out his unnaturally long arms and made some catches against the Texans (including two touchdowns). Williams’ inspired play led the Cowboys to their first victory of the season, thereby avoiding (temporarily) the public tarring and feathering of Wade Phillips on the streets of Dallas.

The Philadelphia Eagles’ Michael Vick

He certainly will never win a pet owner of the year award but he was one of this week’s SWEET ASSES! Vick put on a friggin’ clinic against the Jaguars. Yeah, I know … they’re the Jaguars. My grandfather could put on a clinic against them and he’s dead! But, I have to give Vick his due because I’ve watched his play steadily improve over the last ten quarters. If he keeps this up, this will be a very exciting season for the Eagles. I’m not forgiving him his past sins just yet, but he makes the Eagles a very interesting team to watch.

The Pittsburgh Steelers

As a Cowboys’ fan, it hurts to type this! And, I know I am in imminent danger of being struck by lightning for even thinking of giving the Steelers praise. But, here goes! Without DUMB BEN, the Steelers are off to a great 3-0 start! And, they have beaten fairly good teams, including the Atlanta Falcons who just upset the Super Bowl Champion Saints!

The Green Bay Packers vs. The Chicago Bears

They are both undefeated. Someone will lose. This is the reverse of last week’s nail biter between the Rams and the Raiders. People watching this game will actually care about the outcome. And, it’s highly unlikely either of these teams will unseat any of this week’s SWEET ASSES and A**HOLES!

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