When The Sun Hits Your Eye Like A Big Burning Pie … Pay Up!

Posted by Main Ass on December 2, 2010 in Man vs. Nature, What The F*%k?! |

And, if the sun gets in your eyes when you are driving and you run over a bunch of elderly people in a crosswalk, just blame Duran and tell those people to sue her! It’s her property that’s causing these f&cking problems and she needs to take responsibility for that.

Growing up, there were so many free things we took for granted, like water, air, light, etc. Such quaint times those were! But, just when you thought it was safe to go outside, turns out that’s going to cost you too! A press release recently stated that NASA has a big announcement to make this morning. However, ahead of NASA’s announcement, we discovered that Angeles Duran became the lawful owner of the SUN. That’s right! That really big, hot thing in the sky that sits as the center of our solar system! So, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that NASA now has some big announcement to make.

I believe officials at NASA are going to announce that they will be collecting payments for our use of the sun and delivering them to Duran. I also think NASA will announce that they are planning trips to Duran’s place (the sun) to check it out and keep an eye on it for her, essentially becoming a management company making sure we lowly renters pay our money on time and do not trash the place. She can’t have someone putting their to’-up-from-the-flo’-up pleather sofa out on the sun’s porch, making it look all run down and ghetto!

My favorite quote from this whole thing has to be Duran’s assertion that she’s not stupid and she knows the law … while explaining how she now owns the f*cking sun!!!! It’s the sun … not some cottage in Nantucket, you DUMBASS! Yes, you are STUPID and no, you do NOT know the LAW! You know CRAZY … to be certain! But, clearly the law is a mystery to you!

On the bright side (pun intended), if you discover that you have skin cancer caused by Duran’s property, you can sue her. If the sun causes your plants to die or any other problems, you can blame Duran and take her to court. The next time I have to buy some damned sunglasses, I am sending her the bill! And, if the sun gets in your eyes when you are driving and you run over a bunch of elderly people in a crosswalk, just blame Duran and tell those people to sue her! It’s her property that’s causing these f*cking problems and she needs to take responsibility for that.

If I had a dog that bit you, then I’d have to pay your medical bills. What’s the difference here … other than the fact that I could actually own a DOG?! BTW, Ms. Duran, I have homeowner’s insurance on my house. I’d be happy to send you the name and number of my agent who will recommend a very reasonably priced policy for your new property! Also, I recently registered as the official taxing agency for the sun using the same notary and same flawed logic. Your tax bill of $75,000,000,000 is due no later than April 15, 2011. With ownership comes great responsibility!

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