Week Ten of Football – What A Difference A Week Makes!

Posted by Main Ass on November 16, 2010 in Entertainment/Sports |

Football A**HOLES of the Week:

I think it’s really great that the NFL supports people with disabilities. It’s laudable … it’s the right thing to do. However, giving the position of quarterback to a blind man may be taking things too far! Leave that to the kickers!

The Minnesota Vikings

A fumble and three interceptions … is Brett Favre on the other team’s payroll! WTF?! The Vikings have lost eight straight road games! It’s time for Minnesota to realize the dumb experiment to bring in Father Time with hopes to ride him to the Super Bowl should be abandoned … for something more realistic like building a man out of mechanical parts. Vikings, it’s time to put Favre out to pasture where he belongs, bring in your young quarterback and start to rebuild your franchise. The Cowboys made a midseason change which all the pundits decried and it may well work to re-energize that bunch of dead weight. It’s time for Minnesota to do the same!

Their season is lost and largely because of Favre digging the team into holes with turnovers (16 interceptions so far this season!) that even the best defense cannot get them out of. The team mortgaged their future on Favre and they, like in most of America, are in foreclosure! They built everything around a 41 year-old quarterback whose best days were behind him more than five years ago. Their decisions this season have me shaking my head, especially the decision to get Randy Moss (giving up draft picks in the process) and then get rid of him. This team is in free fall and no one has the balls to pull the rip cord!

The Cincinnati Bengals’ Carson Palmer

I think it’s really great that the NFL supports people with disabilities. It’s laudable … it’s the right thing to do. However, giving the position of quarterback to a blind man may be taking things too far! Leave that to the kickers! Carson Palmer is the league’s first legally blind quarterback. And, while, he does well given his disability and the accuracy his position demands, naturally he is going to have bad games, like this week. But, the Bengals, fully behind the NFL policy to retain disabled players, continue to let Palmer play at this position.

The Bengals have lost six straight games and … [Someone on my staff just handed me a note. “Carson Palmer is NOT blind.”] Seriously?! He’s not blind! Are you sure? Because if he is NOT blind but he keeps throwing interceptions week in and week out and greatly overthrowing receivers (I think one pass was thrown to a cheerleader) then he is just a big DUMBASS!

Palmer has at his disposal two of the best wide receivers in the game, Chad Johnson (f*ck that Ochocinco sh&t!) and Terrell Owens! These guys could grab a snitch one-handed at Hogwarts without a flying broomstick! The fact that Palmer routinely throws balls that they can’t catch demonstrates just how bad HE is! I could launch a pass from my rooftop right now and in about ten seconds, Owens would haul it in, run to the nearest end zone and knock on my door to return the ball! Touchdown!

In this week’s game against Indianapolis (a team against which you must be perfect to come close to winning), Palmer threw THREE interceptions! Is he competing with Brett Favre for most interceptions in a season? If so, someone should tell him it’s not a distinction he wants! But, everything was not Palmer’s fault to be sure. On one interception, Owens appeared to just give up on the run and the ball went right into the hands of a Colts’ player. When the team was successful in an on-sides kick, on the very next play receiver Jermaine Gresham, who should have gone down when he caught the ball, had the ball taken away by the Colts for yet another turnover … this one costing them the game.

This Bengals’ defense held Peyton Manning to less than 200 yards passing and no touchdowns! With numbers like these, this should have been a Bengals’ victory. Instead, the offense did everything in their power to give the Colts the victory and they succeeded by turning the ball over FIVE times which led to 17 points for the Colts! The Bengals look just like the team I remember as a youngster – a bunch of bad players making stupid plays in uniforms better suited for a Tony The Tiger Contest in West Hollywood!

The Washington Redskins

The Redskins looked awful on Monday night, especially during the first quarter. On the very first play, the Eagles exposed the defense with an 88-yard touchdown pass from Michael Vick. After that, I knew it would be a very long night for Redskins’ fans. The defense looked like they were only playing five players because that’s how bad the coverage was on the Eagles’ receivers. Vick had his way with them like nothing I’ve seen outside a bad porn film!

The Redskins receivers were dropping passes like this was a game of hot potato! The way the defense was tackling, you would have thought the Eagles’ players were infected with some sort of fast-acting flesh-eating disease. They simply did not touch them! The game finally started to turn around in the second quarter after the Redskins realized if they didn’t wake up they would be compared to Dallas’ horrid performance just a week ago.

The offensive scheme that the Redskins are using simply does not work for their personnel. If you are going to sign a guy to a five-year contract, then the offense should be designed around him, not the other way around. Donovan should not have to learn the bullshit Kyle Shanahan is drawing up! It should be drawn up specifically for him. The defensive schemes are just as bad. Mike Shanahan came on board and implemented a new defense. So far this season, it’s not working and was woefully lacking on Monday night. Vick’s first incomplete pass came with 12 minutes left in the second quarter, on the first series the Eagles did NOT score a touchdown!

Prior to the game starting, it was announced that Donovan McNabb had signed a contract extension. So, we know that McNabb and Mike Shanahan will be with the Redskins for at least the next three years. This leads to the question, what is the problem in Washington? I would have to say that a huge part of the blame lies with Kyle , Mike’s son and the offensive coordinator for the team. During the first four series on offense, the Redskins went three and out, amassing a paltry 23 yards! Nothing was working! Well, I really can’t say “nothing.” The same three plays that Kyle kept dialing up were not working! This guy has the imagination of a person in a coma!

The other problem, the Redskins just do not have any elite players! They can extend McNabb’s contract into the 22nd Century and it won’t matter if they don’t get better players! McNabb is a Hall of Fame quarterback but he needs help! Last year this team only won four games, as many as they have won so far this year. It’s not likely that they will end the season with only four wins, but they are not serious contenders in the NFC East and won’t be for several seasons!

Football SWEET ASSES of the Week:

Just last week under Wade Phillips, on both sides of the ball the Cowboys looked like zombies on the field trolling for brains. They were slow-moving and dimwitted. This week, they came out like Ninjas!

The Dallas Cowboys

Just last week under Wade Phillips, on both sides of the ball the Cowboys looked like zombies on the field trolling for brains. They were slow-moving and dimwitted. This week, they came out like Ninjas! And, no one, especially not the Giants, saw the demise coming. With the lights going out in the Giants’ new stadium, it was the perfect scene for the slaughter brought on by the Cowboys. By the end of the game, it looked like the ending of a horror film with the Cowboys left standing and the bodies of the Giants strewn all over their home field!

The Cowboys played like they were a professional football team with their pride on the line. They played inspired football! And, without Wade in charge of the defense, those players made plays, intercepting Eli Manning twice, with rookie Bryan McCann running one back for a touchdown! Just a week before, this same defensive unit had as much movement as a snail in salt!

I am not ready to proclaim that the ills plaguing the Cowboys are gone. They are not contenders for anything beyond the first round draft pick. They won one game that they absolutely had to win for their new head coach and to keep Jerry Jones’ surgically-enhanced face from exploding. But, with that said, things looked 1000% better. The Cowboys beat a Giants’ team all the pundits were ready to crown the best team in the NFC (as if the Eagles and Falcons don’t even exist) even with their obvious problems still on defense. And, the Cowboys beat the Giants handily. It was no fluke as both the offense and defense played well. The game was over before the end of the third quarter!

With the offensive line finally providing some protection, John Kitna was able to make some incredible throws to Dez Bryant, Roy Williams and Miles Austin. His numbers weren’t very impressive but they were good enough – 13 completions for 327 yards, averaging over 25 yards per completion, and three touchdowns! And, finally, the running backs actually did some … RUNNING! Imagine that! Felix Jones and Marion Barber ran for a combined 98 yards, nothing to blow your socks off but certainly better than what they have done in previous weeks.

Now, the Cowboys still need to work on things. Kitna had too many incomplete passes and the kicking game desperately needs some work, meaning they need to get someone who can KICK! Also, they didn’t score a single point in the fourth quarter. Had they been able to do that, they would have demoralized the Giants completely instead of leaving them with a little hope toward the end of the game!

The Philadelphia Eagles’ Michael Vick

Michael Vick should play the next game wearing red and blue tights with a big “S” on his chest! The only thing he didn’t do in this game was fly and stop bullets! But, he did stop the Washington Redskins!

With a little more than five minutes left in the first quarter, he had THREE touchdowns and by halftime he had a total of FIVE! The first play of the game, an 88-yard touchdown to DeSean Jackson, was a perfectly executed play, starting with the beautiful pass and ending with the run after the catch by Jackson. For yet another game, Michael Vick put on a clinic. This week, the victims were the Redskins. Vick’s first incomplete pass came with just five minutes left in the second quarter!

This was an incredible game to watch as Vick was clearly having a good time running all over the field, extending plays with his legs, running and picking up yards when he could and making passes that demonstrated he is still a very talented quarterback! As a matter of fact, he may be the MOST TALENTED quarterback in the league right now. Tom Brady, you can grow your hair down to your ass, yell at every player on the field and still won’t match what Vick did on Monday night! On an unrelated note, Tom, cut your hair and shave! At the post-game press conference, you looked like a homeless guy in a bad suit you got at Goodwill!

Even though the game was pretty much decided by the middle of the second quarter, I didn’t want to turn away from the game solely because of Vick’s play. At one point, as Vick scrambled and threw for another touchdown (I think it was number 17), he had over seven seconds to find a receiver with absolutely no pressure by a single Redskin! That’s what a good offensive line can do for you!

Next week, the Eagles and Vick will face Eli and the Giants. This game will lay to rest the best team in the NFC. Given how the two quarterbacks played this week, I think the Eagles will fly away with it!

The Denver Broncos

The Broncos put up 49 points against a Kansas City Chiefs team that seems to be on the decline. The Broncos stopped a four-game losing streak by playing strong, smart football. Gone were the dumb mistakes, turnovers and penalties. Orton threw for four touchdowns and Tim Tebow got two off a run and a pass! It remains to be seen whether the Broncos will make the playoffs. Given how the season has progressed thus far, anything could happen if they finish off the season half as strong as they played in this game!

Football HALF ASSES of the Week:

The Buffalo Bills

The Bills entered this week as the only winless team in the league. They were playing the Detroit Lions at home so it was ordained that they would finally get their first win since the Lions have now lost 25 straight games on the road. The Lions are pretty much the whipping boy for every struggling team in the NFL. And, they did not disappoint the Bills! It was no blowout but it was a victory for the Bills who needed to put something in the “W” column before Roger Goodell shipped them off to Europe to play in whatever league the NFL is setting up there. The Bills got a great effort from Fred Jackson for his fifth career 100-yard game, rushing for 133 yards on 25 carries and a total of two touchdowns (one on a reception and one on a run)!

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2 Comments

  • Radiah says:

    Thank you for not going in on my team this week – even though we deserved it! :)

  • admin says:

    LOL! I don’t know what is happening with the Giants but I spoke to another tried and true fan and they think they just aren’t there yet. They play is too inconsistent. Also, this person hates Eli and blames him for most of the problems!

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