Week Eight of Football – Trick or Treat!
[Dallas] is a HOT MESS! The only way they will get a win is if their opponents play Cabbage Patch dolls in place of their players! This team, in seven games, has amassed TWO rushing touchdowns! TWO! You simply cannot win if you have an anemic running game! Dallas’ running game is on life support and is about to flat line.
Football A**HOLES of the Week:
The Dallas Cowboys
If you are a Cowboy fan, it was another trick! Week in, week out, it’s the same thing, loss after loss after sad, coma-inducing loss. Einstein said it best “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” And, they are definitely insane in Dallas. From Wade Phillips to Jason Garrett to Jerry Jones to the players on both sides of the ball: they keep doing the same thing and expecting the Cowboys to win. The offensive line cannot block well enough to allow the running game to get going. Barber or Jones … it doesn’t matter. Neither of them can run behind a line that blocks like a bunch wet cats!
At the end of the first half, Marion Barber had run seven times for eight yards! At the end of the game, Felix Jones had eight rushes for 22 yards and Barber had nine rushes for 16 yards … oh, and a touchdown! The Cowboys got into Jacksonville territory five times and came away with three points in the first half! The only bright spot in the first half for the Cowboys was Miles Austin’s six catches for 102 yards.
Wade Phillips needs be removed as defensive coordinator. The Cowboys have one of the simplest defenses in the league. They offer no disguises on coverage; they just line up and show the offense the coverage they can expect which allows the offense to make adjustments at the line. This is how football was played in the 1950s, the decade from which Phillips pulls his plays! When the Cowboys face an intelligent quarterback with a strong arm and excellent receivers, like Peyton Manning, they will be eaten alive. So far this season, this dead-end defense has allowed two quarterbacks to throw four touchdowns!
The Cowboys played like they had been invited to a funeral and didn’t want to wake the dead. And, they didn’t. They couldn’t even keep their own players interested in this game. The defense went to sleep in the second quarter and the offensive line followed. Kitna was sleep walking through the entire game, throwing four interceptions (two of which were the fault of the receivers failing to make catches). But, for many of Kitna’s passes, the Cowboys’ receivers would have needed arms that were 15 feet long to make a catch! That’s how piss poor his passing was!
This team is a HOT MESS! The only way they will get a win is if their opponents play Cabbage Patch dolls in place of their players! This team, in seven games, has amassed TWO rushing touchdowns! TWO! You simply cannot win if you have an anemic running game! Dallas’ running game is on life support and is about to flat line. Their ill-advised experiment with two running backs is a big failure! When you only have two rushing touchdowns after playing seven games, that’s a BIG problem. At the end of this game, their two running backs had 17 rushes for 38 yards! That’s an output from two adult men of just over two yards per run! There is no team with a winning record with these kinds of running statistics!
With the problems the Cowboys have they need a coach with the balls to fix them. Suffice it to say, that’s not Wade Phillips. In place of balls, he’s got rotting raisins!
The Washington Redskins’ Coach Mike Shanahan
He takes Donovan McNabb, his starting quarterback, out of the game with less than two minutes to play and puts in Rex Grossman who hasn’t played since 2009 when he relieved Matt Schaub in Houston, a game that Houston lost. Grossman lived up to his name, and promptly demonstrated why he warms the bench, by fumbling the ball! Thus, the Redskins lost to the Detroit Lions, giving Detroit only their second win of the season as Matt Stafford makes his return with four touchdown passes!
But, stranger than taking McNabb out of the game were the reasons Shanahan (and then his son) created for his decision. Donovan doesn’t know the two-minute drill … Donovan is out of shape … Donovan was injured and was told he might be pulled. Okay DUMBASSES! Get your lies straight BEFORE you speak to the media. Right now, both Shanahans look like the idiots they apparently are!
Football SWEET ASSES of the Week:
The Jacksonville Jaguars’ Maurice Jones-Drew
Maurice Jones-Drew is an actual sweet ass! Look at that behind! No, seriously, LOOK AT IT! Don’t be ashamed if you are a man. It’s unbelievable! There is a lot of funky junk in this man’s trunk! And, he runs like he’s being chased by his own ass! He is almost as tall as he is wide at 5’ 7” and 208 pounds! In this game against the Cowboys, a team that couldn’t stop a runner with one leg, he ran for 135 yards on 27 carries! That was sweet, especially in light of the yards the Cowboys’ running duo put up!
The Washington Redskins’ Brandon Banks
He returned a kick for a touchdown that was called back on a penalty. No problem. He just did it again! A 96-yard kick-off returned for a touchdown!
The San Francisco 49ers’ Troy Smith
Mr. Smith ended the day 12 of 19 for 196 yards and a touchdown. Not the best stats, but certainly not the worst. But, the most important stat for Mr. Smith: no interceptions! Unlike his predecessor, the other Mr. Smith, he didn’t hurt his team! He scrambled and kept plays alive. And, he didn’t make mental mistakes that doomed his team! In short, he played smart football and walked away with a win for his debut as starting quarterback. Now, maybe the 49ers can make use of their talent and play some real football!
Football HALF ASS of the Week:
The Minnesota Vikings’ Brad Childress
He hires Randy Moss four weeks ago. Then, without consulting with the owner or other coaching staff, he releases Randy on Monday because of Moss’ criticism of his coaching (oh and some sh*t about criticizing food from the caterers). Grow some thicker skin, Chilly! And, stop acting like a big, dumbass baby! Granted, Moss should have kept his comments to himself but Childress and the Vikings knew what kind of player they were getting. His great on the field but strange as f&ck during post-game interviews. That’s Randy Moss! Next stop for Randy … who knows … Washington, St. Louis, New York for the Jets? Next stop for Childress … cleaning out his office during the off-season which won’t come fast enough for the Vikings!
