Week Four of Football – What A Snore!

Posted by admin on October 7, 2010 in Entertainment/Sports |

I know I’m a bit late with this post. By way of explanation, I’ll only say this: do not buy cans of beans from Big Lots or the 99 Cents Store! It’s not worth the ten cents per can you’ll save. Trust me! Spend the money! The human cost to you and those around you will always far exceed the meager savings. With that said, let’s get ready for some football!

The Cowboys had a bye this week, so I didn’t have a dog in the fight. Thus, I didn’t feel too strongly about what transpired over week four. But, with that said, there were still plenty of A**HOLES and SWEET ASSES!

Football A**HOLES of the Week:

[The Bears] need a quarterback with a giant steel plate in his head since he’s going to spend most of the game tasting turf!

The San Francisco 49ers

First off, is it just me or does their coach, Mike Singletary, look like a human Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? Just me … right! Anyway, I’ll just put it out there … their quarterback sucks and blows! Do you know how hard it is to SUCK and BLOW at the same time? Not too hard if you’re the QB in San Francisco! In their FOUR losses, Alex Smith has thrown just THREE touchdowns and SEVEN interceptions. I am pretty sure I’d have a better ratio using my left arm and a Nerf football! Fire as many offensive coordinators as you want! Unless the next one is also a quarterback, your problems will continue and are only going to get worse if your QB continues to play like a DB!

I think with each loss Singletary’s cross gets larger. By the end of the season, he’s gonna look like Jesus on the sideline! Ohh, and how could I forget Nate Clements! Dude, tuck f*cking the ball and run like your ass is on fire! How many times do we have to see this scenario before players realize how it’s done?! Is there a bigger disappointment this year than San Francisco? When will pundits learn that what you see in pre-season means absolutely NOTHING! BTW, I love watching the Niners lose! They were the bane of the Cowboys’ existence in the 80s when we had our version of Alex Smith … Danny White!

The Chicago Bears

Their quarterback was sacked NINE TIMES before the end of the FIRST half! Prior to this game, Jay Cutler looked okay even though he has taken some heat and lots of hits. In this game, he looked like someone’s grandmother with a bad hip. But, truth be told, even Superman couldn’t do sh*t behind that horrendous offensive line! Their offensive (pun intended) system needs to change to protect their quarterback or they need a quarterback with a giant steel plate in his head since he’s going to spend most of the game tasting turf!

Football SWEET ASSES of the Week:

Their running game on Sunday was strong and awesome! The Redskins ran for 169 yards and that’s what won the game … that and the Eagle’s Kolb playing like a woman scorned!

The Jacksonville Jaguars’ kicker Joss Scobee

Scobee kicked a field goal for 59 F*CKING YARDS! Are you kidding me?! Ohh, and they beat the COLTS doing it!

The Washington Redskins

Their running game on Sunday was strong and awesome! And, it had to be because McNabb was throwing like a guy with one arm. Horrible – 8 of 19 for 125 yards! The Redskins ran for 169 yards and that’s what won the game … that and the Eagle’s Kolb playing like a woman scorned! Too bad they lost Clinton Portis in the process!

The Cincinnati Bengal’s Terrell Owens

Owens was fierce … Sasha Fierce! T.O. looked like the old T.O. in his first few seasons with Dallas or back when he was with San Francisco. He had over 220 yards (222 to be exact) and 2 touchdowns! T.O. was a beast! Too bad Cincinnati’s quarterback was like a lamb led to the slaughter getting sacked FOUR times!

The Carolina Panther’s DeAngelo Williams

DeAngelo’s run for a touchdown in the 3rd quarter was a thing of beauty so much so that I had to rewind it and watch it again. He starts right, stops and cuts left, leaving defenders shaken and stirred!

The New York Jets’ LaDainian Tomlinson

Watching him cut through the defense on Sunday was sweet – over 130 yards and 2 touchdowns. It’s great to see him back to form. He can keep that visor on (even borrow one from Lavar Burton) and run wild with numbers like that!

Football HALF ASSES of the Week:

The New York Giants

Their defense looked great against the Bears, sacking Jay Cutler NINE TIMES in the first half and sending him packing with a concussion! A few weeks ago, these idiots couldn’t tackle a drunken toddler! The other half – their offense is still shaky and Manning still looks like he wants to cry. The offense needs to respond and take some pressure off the defense.

The Minnesota Vikings

Signing Randy Moss may prove to be the best move of their season. Still he has to try to catch passes from Father Time, Brett Favre! Let’s hope Brett looks better now that he has a top-quality wide receiver. And, with Moss as a deep threat, this should open up Minnesota’s all-but-absent running game.

The New Orleans Saints

The Saints have been playing extremely lackluster football all season. They won this game … by kicking three f*cking field goals! Drew Brees is one of the league’s best quarterbacks … well, he was last season! En route to their Super Bowl victory last season they scored tons of points. This year they’ve scored 79 points but given up 72 points! It’s shocking that they’ve only lost one game so far. If they stay on this path, more loses will surely follow!

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